Thoughts on being a mom and why that's the only thing on my mind.

Here's a small list of things I promise not to do as a mother:

1. Make a profile for my baby on a social networking site. This is ridiculous. These days, you're born and you get a birth certificate, a social security number, a hat and a social networking site profile. The government and hospital are to blame for the first three, and the lame parents should be shot for the last one.

2. Swear that my child is the cutest ever. I know she'll be beautiful to me, but I also hope to understand that not everyone will agree. I mean, she could look like this:


3. Set my profile picture on any social networking site to a picture of my baby. No. This is my profile, not hers.

4. Swear my baby is smarter than she should be for her age. "OMG, she raised her hand today, she must be a genius!"

5. Only speak to her in "baby talk." I hear they will grow up with a better vocabulary if they are spoken to like normal people rather than a baby. I will offer my daughter a bottle, not a "baba" and she will eat food, not "num nums."