Captain Obvious!

I see funny things on the internet that aren't so obvious, I guess. Either that or I'm just good at noticing the little things. Or maybe, I just have a simple mind that thinks most things are silly. I'm a firm believer that humor can be found in just about anything. (anything but flying spiders - that's just frightening)

Facebook is now recommending things it thinks I will like because the internet is getting way too smart. A lot of these recommendations are based on other pages that I've "liked" and the suggestions look a little bit like this:

No shit? People that like NPR also have a sense of humor? I also got one that said "Tom Waits - Many who like Man Man like this." For those of you that don't know, Tom Waits is a musical genius drunk uncle and Man Man is a band that seemed to copy his songs verbatim and somehow make them a little more hipster-y. (That picture isn't as funny, as it requires a description)

Facebook is also really good at making me feel pretty worthless by reminding me that I have no friends in Jacksonville.

Facebook is trying to be a good friend here and recommend things I might like, and let me know just how many *potential* friends I could make in Jacksonville. Facebook isn't very good at calming me. Facebook is a bad friend.

But, there's always Google. Google and I have been good friends for a long time. When I have a question about something life-threatening, something of little interest, or even something that will help me win a bet, Google is there for me. Google even tries to fill in the rest of the search bar when I look for something just to keep me from having to type it out. For example, when wondering how my baby was developing when I was 23 weeks pregnant, all I had to type in was "23" and Google finished it with "weeks pregnant." Brilliant! Sometimes, though, Google is either (a) wrong or (b) assuming I'm a sadistic fuck that blacks out in fits of fatal rage.


One of those things is not like the other.

The internet, in general, is in control of a lot more than we think. Do I think computers will take over after somehow gaining artificial intelligence? No.

Well.

At least not in my lifetime, anyway.

Here's a fine example of how the internet was trying to throw the last Presidential election through subliminal messages:

Notice the date there. Just two weeks before the election. Tisk tisk, internet.

I've saved the best one for last. My personal favorite example of how targeting you internet advertising market isn't working.

Advertisements Gone Wild

I'm a fan of free stuff. Who isn't?

A few weeks ago, my dad came to visit and meet his new grand daughter. He didn't want to miss anything while he was here, so there was always a camera pointed at her (she's used to it). He would switch back and fourth between his still camera and his new handy little camcorder. Knowing that he was ungodly poor, I asked about the camcorder and learned that he had "won" it from marlboro.com.

Hm. They're killing him, but at least they're giving him free stuff!

Because I learned everything I know from my parents, I too smoke the Marlboro brand. Cowboy killers (good thing I'm not a cowboy). Delicious.

So, with my next pack, I took the promo code off the insert and went over to marlboro.com to get all my free stuff! My dad, so far, has gotten a Weber grill, a poker chip set, a deck of cards, a camcorder and a leather key chain. (All good things to have, especially if they're free)

I have an iron bottle opener headed my way. Its no camcorder, but it's a start.

While on marlboro.com, I saw an advertisement. It wasn't a "commercial" because cigarette companies are no longer allowed to advertise on TV or in magazines.

In this commercial (that I was unable to embed due to copyright issues) you see a group of executives sitting around a conference table. One of the guys leaves the table to go outside to have a delicious cigarette (he's not a cowboy either). While he is gone, the CEO comes in and tells the other employees about their "annual trip to the Bahamas," but that one of them must stay behind to "hold down the fort." Of course, the rest of the group volunteers the guy that is outside smoking revealing the moral of the story: Don't ever miss a moment, use Marlboro Snus instead of smoking cigarettes when you're at work. This commercial advertisement made me angry.

First of all, if you're about to start a meeting, you don't go take a smoke break. You would have taken this break a good 20 minutes before said meeting, allowing you time to get outside and back in with 10 minutes to spare. Second, you should be able to smoke at your conference table to begin with! Now, obviously, companies don't just send people to the Bahamas and even if they did, they wouldn't leave a fellow upper-management guy behind. They'd have middle management take care of it.

At the end of the commercial advertisement, you see the smoker outside of the office building enjoying his delicious cowboy-killing cigarette a comfortable 20 feet away from the entrance of the building. He takes in a long, beautiful drag and while he exhales he says "wow, the sun feels great."

Even though he has missed out on a meeting and has been denied a trip to the Bahamas, they still have to show that he is, in fact, enjoying that cigarette.

Queue the slogan "Never miss a thing" and the vocal equivalent of fine print: "this product may cause mouth cancer."

Yum.